We moved back to Sydney and lived in Balmoral for a few weeks whilst looking for somewhere permanent. Almost daily we would walk the kids down to the beach to paddle in the water or play in the park. It was only ten minutes from the apartment. An ideal family fun area, everything gentle, even the water, just gentle waves lapping at the beach. Each phase of life has its own style and rhythm, it is just a matter of enjoying it while you can until necessity or choice guides you down a different pathway…

We moved into a house in Bayview, it was on the corner of two streets but still felt hidden from the world, it made me think of being in the country. I started work again at Elizabeth Jenkins Place Aged Care Centre, a Salvation Army run nursing home near the beach in Collaroy.

Barbara’s third child, Samuel, was born in December 2003 with Chris’s third child, Edin, following a month later. Later that year Leslie came home from England and we all moved to a bigger house in St Ives. I was very lucky and got the best room in the house. A large room that fit my bed, chest of drawers, wardrobe, and sofas with ease. It was upstairs but separate to the other upstairs rooms with its own staircase and a large adjoining balcony overlooking the pool. I had a bathroom with shower just downstairs next to the laundry. It was very convenient, and I was able to isolate or join in with family meals and events.

The next year Barbara and Matthew’s fourth child, William, was born and then the wonderful Marushka came into our lives to assist with the babysitting duties.

I decided that it was time to seek male company. I would go out to the clubs to partake, enjoy the night life, and go dancing. I tried a few venues but lo and behold they were old, not as old as most of my patients, but getting there. I looked in the mirror and saw that so was I, even if I didn’t feel it. I did not want to become a nurse to some old dear in the future - no way. So, I withdrew from that idea. No relationship now or future, not needed, not wanted. Selfish - I agree. So, the pokies became my next thing. I enjoyed it, was hooked, and stayed out too late, but I used only the money I got from work. No harm.

Instead I watched my children go through the ups and downs of their relationships. I saw them grow their careers and their families, I shared their joys and watched their struggles - some little, some major. I wanted the best for them, but as much as I wanted to, I could not vanish their pain away.

I was on my way to a lunch with about seven other nursing staff from Collaroy, when I heard the news that a massive earthquake 6.3 magnitude had occurred in Christchurch. It was 22nd February 2011. I was upset so I pulled off the road to listen to it properly. There was massive damage in and around the city impacting buildings and infrastructure which had weakened by the magnitude 7.1 Canterbury earthquake a few months prior.

The news kept pouring in for days… there were more than 361 aftershocks in the first week and most of the buildings in and around the city square were damaged or completely destroyed. Around ten thousand homes had to be pulled down and replaced and worst of all there were a staggering 185 deaths and thousands of injuries.

When Finn and I flew into Christchurch on our way to see a rugby test in Dunedin, when I indulged myself by taking us by taxi tour around the sites that I knew well from my younger days. The hospital, the city square, Christchurch Cathedral, Nazareth House etc. The hospital appeared unchanged, but the cathedral was in a broken-down state, vacant with windows still boarded up and Nazareth House was completely gone. There weren’t even any sheds of the outside perimeter, and no orchard - not one tree. It was so depressing to see my city so sadly devastated.

Nazareth house is now rebuilt, a convent, retirement village / nursing home. The stabilization of Christchurch Cathedral is still in progress, and the restoration will take years more to complete. Christchurch continues to experience earthquakes, but all buildings have to meet more strict anti-earthquake measures. God bless and keep everyone safe.

We all came together again in the Southern Highlands for a few days in December 2011 for Leslie and Tony’s wedding. They booked a beautiful private home on Range Rd in Bowral for five days of fun and laughter. Both set of families and many friends came, staying in the house or in a nearby hotel. The celebrations started on what would have been Alan and my 43rd anniversary, he was not with us for the occasion but as always was lovingly remembered. Alena, named after him, was born just four months later in March 2012 – now growing up and learning to deal with any problems with love and support surrounding her.

Along the way Barbara and Matt found they had lost the sparkle and the dissolution of their marriage was a sad occasion for all of us. Over the years since, I have maintained my friendship with Matt and his family especially his mother, Ita whom I became good friends with. Matt is such a beautiful soul, always so generous and welcoming and I have never heard an angry word from him. As difficult as the breakup was, I admired the way that Barbara and Matt handled it for their children, Zoe, Ben, Sam and Will. Their pleasant attitude towards one another was very beneficial to their children, who are all such fabulous, kind, affectionate people already so accomplished - a united front to take on the world.

Mark, a South African and fellow Rugby enthusiast, moved in with Barbara introducing his children from a previous marriage, Mia, and Luca into the family - an unexpected blessing. We enjoyed many hours together talking rugby and each of us cheering for our respective rugby teams.

As the boys got older, I started taking them on regular trips to New Zealand to watch the rugby - Bledisloe Cup or World Cup matches. On occasions they would get anxious about something that I had done, or failed to do, in order to obtain a carefree passage to the plane. Once I thought that I had lost my wallet then remembered that I had put it on the toilet cistern. We ran back and blessing it was still there! Another time I couldn’t find the tickets as I had packed them in my luggage amongst my clothes. The hunt was on as I prayed to God in my hour of need! But it always ended well – our days of holiday were magical – the best I had experienced for a long, long time.

Tony shares my love of Rugby and would often come along on these rugby trips including when I took Ben and Sam to Auckland for the 2011 Rugby World Cup. He is always so willing and obliging and would organize everything - hire and drive the car, book the accommodation, flights, and tickets, take the kids on adrenalin adventures etc. These were wonderful, magnificent times and when Tony was with us generally problem free and much more fun!

The most recent trip was early this year for the NZ Sevens with Tony, Leslie, Sam, William and for the first time Alena and Jacob - the tradition continues on!

In 2012 I started working at Avalon House. I had been made redundant from Elizabeth Jenkins as they were closing temporarily for major renovations then when Terry Hills Nursing Home was also closing for renovation, I was transferred to their sister site Avalon. It was to be my last nursing job.

I retired, not because I wanted to, not because I had to, but to take advantage of the government Pension Bonus Scheme. They offered people who were of a retirement age but remained in the workforce and deferred claiming the Age Pension an additional tax-free lump sum when they eventually did claim the Age Pension. A $50,000 lump sum, wow free money, never in my life had I received it and it was my turn! The scheme was ending soon so come December I resigned and applied to collect my bounty. Eventually I found out that I was not entitled! Although I had worked more than the required years, the number of hours per week was not consistent. Such a blow. My greed had not paid off - I lost my job and the money. What a birthday present!

Leslie and Tony’s second child, Jacob, was born in December 2013 and was such a gorgeous, calm baby, content to sit back and watch his sister, Alena, whirl around him like a hurricane. A pigeon pair they quickly became best friends and coming seven years after William they were the start of a new generation with Barbara and Mark’s daughter Seava quickly following. I was babysitter to Seava, such a lovely child, very easy and delightful and we would go out to the shops for lunch – taking me back to my time with her sister Zoe in Teddington.

The next year John’s daughter Charlotte was born. John had met the lovely Claire, whom I adore and after a few years together they had Charlotte. They moved just around the corner in St Ives so I could see them even more frequently and not long after, welcomed Cooper into the family.

In 2016 I spoke to Barbara about giving her space for her growing family and moved in with Leslie, Tony, and the kids in their small house in Asquith while we looked for a more suitable option. We found a beautiful home in St Ives Chase, close to Barbara and John who had also recently moved to the St Ives area.

What interested me the most was the stand alone building holding a lovely, though small, self-contained studio flatlet – ideal for me. The other half of that building was a garage where Tony would be able to store his ancient prized Jaguar and next to it was a large flat lawn where Alena and Jacob could play. There was a large deck where Alena could set up the restaurant she named after me “Kiwi’s Rest”, a bamboo jungle for the kids to explore and plenty of wildlife and bird life. All of us immediately fell in love with it. Sold!

Alena and Jacob started family day care with Tania, mother to Sam’s friend Jimmy, and formed a firm friend with her daughter Daisy. Mama Tania became their “day mum” and a part of the family. Seava, Charlotte, and Cooper all joined them then it was truly a family affair.

We managed what I imagine will be my last trip back to New Zealand in January for the Rugby 7’s with Sam and Will accompanying us. Leslie took us to a surprise feast at Tamaki Maori Village on our way to watch Tony and the boys bungee in Taupo! It was such fun that I almost joined in. A quick stop in Hobbiton then over to Hamilton for a great weekend of Rugby before I said a final goodbye to my homeland.

Back in Sydney, John’s fourth child, James was born just as COVID was taking over the world. It was frustrating to have them so close by but only be able to see him on Zoom. They all are such delightful children, growing so quickly. Already James is too big for me to carry – such a strong, active boy. Claire tells me that they are not having an more children, three is enough. More is the pity as they do make such big, beautiful babies.

And that is my story, so far. Not yet, but one day soon, I too, will belong to the vanished, permanently.