I had changed, I found that I had no control over my tears - they just flowed, so unexpectedly, out of the blue without warning. I would be in the middle of an unrelated conversation, then seeing something out of the corner of my eye that would make me think “Alan”, the tears would start. I would end up telling myself off for my stupidity, the tears were unwanted, an embarrassment and I hated myself for them. This highly emotional phase went on for many months. Pass it did, eventually, although the tears still unexpectedly came years later, just not as frequently.

Leslie and John helped me to update the computer and printer and with their help I became quite proficient in their basic use. I enjoyed it and it took my mind off the Alan’s “desertion”. Chris and Meagan moved over to Perth and Barbara and Matthew moved to England. Matt was in Manchester close by to Alan’s father, Jack, who still lived in Warrington and they would see him often. Later that year Jack had an accident and I went over to help him for a few weeks. Leslie and John had finished growing up without my knowledge and I happily left them in charge of the family home. I returned home but just after I arrived back Jack had a stroke and died shortly after. I returned with Leslie following and we made sure he had a good send-off too!

After a wonderful white Christmas at Lake Windemere I returned home to have John tell me that he had applied and been accepted into the Bathurst University. He would be attending with his girlfriend Katie, a lovely young lady whom he had met while I was away. With Leslie staying with Barbara in England, by January 1998 they were all gone, with my blessing and best wishes but, with also, a feeling of sadness.

I was on my own. Not answerable to anyone, not in charge of anyone. I saw John and his girlfriend Katie occasionally and had occasional, sometimes unexpected visits from Barbara or Leslie. We all came together in June for Barbara and Matthew’s wedding, a few days at Mollymook then the ceremony at Peppers Mt Broughton in the Southern Highlands. Afterwards they all went on their separate ways again, the girls back to England.

Then unexpectedly John and his girlfriend Katie fell pregnant, so too did Christopher and Meagan, then Barbara and Matthew. On 22nd June 1999 John’s son Maxim was born, followed by Chris’s son Finn three months later on 21st September.

Max, my eldest grandchild was a delightful little baby, and the politest child I ever met, but as they lived in Bathurst, I only got to see him once or twice a month with overnight stays when our schedules allowed. My contact with Finn was even less since he was four thousand kilometres away in Perth. I flew over to see them, but it was a long way to go so not frequent visits.

I had been leveraging my experience at The Little Sisters of the Poor and my new computer skills to produce manuals on “The Principles and Guidance’s” for Parramatta Nursing Home. The government had passed a law that all nursing homes had to produce within a year and the matron was impressed that I took it on and got it completed so quickly. The tax man refunded my computer and printer including the A4 papers in full. I was delighted and proud.

Then out of the blue matron asked me to come in as she wanted to speak to me. Oh no, what had I done? But no, no telling off. The deputy matron had put in her resignation and matron praised me and asked if I would be interested in assuming the role. Stunning news! I was happy where I was and had not thought about a promotion. I stated I would have to think about it, matron gave me two weeks to think about it and if my answer was yes, then I would start in the new role two weeks after that.

Before I could decide a letter arrived from Barbara inviting me over to England to await the birth of her and Matthew’s first child due just before Christmas. They would pay for my ticket as a gift and I would live with them, Leslie and her friend Sophie in a magnificent house called Bollards, on Ropes Lane in Fernhurst, one-hour South West of London. Oh, so wonderful. I immediately said “Yes” to Barbara and “No” to the matron, stating I was going overseas to be with my family as my grandchild was coming into our world. How marvellous!

What a delight! I loved England, utterly beautiful! Zoe was born in London on 21st December and she was indeed a Christmas wish come true. When Barbara was getting ready to go back to work, I asked her if she wanted a babysitter, then could I do it? Barbara had talked to Matthew, and it was decided, yes, I could, I was not to be vanished but was promoted to the best role ever! Nana!

The huge house, originally called Oakhurst was divided in two, our side being named Bollards. It was three split levels, Sophie and I had bedrooms on the top floor and Leslie near the ground floor entrance. In between were the Kitchen, living areas, Barbara and Matt’s bedroom, bathroom, and a spare bedroom. It was a place of history and elegance with big windows overlooking a large formal garden at the rear, set out with hedges, walkways, and a swimming pool. The house was surrounded by beautiful countryside, many rambling tracks, a great pub in Fernhurst and plenty of shops and cafes in the nearby Haslemere.

We were going on trips frequently on long weekends to places we had read about all our lives and never thought to visit, whale watching in Iceland, cheering on the All Blacks Sevens in Paris, lunch in Prague’s Old town Square, Opera in Vienna, drinking cloudberry wine in Helsinki, strolling down La Rambla in Barcelona, the Parthenon in Athens, waking to a view of the Nile River and exploring the ancient wonders of Cairo and Luxor. The excitement of it… so much beauty, so much fun, so much to see and do. It is such an amazing world, if only we could all learn to live in harmony.

I made a very deliberate and conscious effort not to intrude on the new family after they got home from work. I’d withdraw up to my room, chatting with Sophie next door if she was home for the night. We’d all catch up for dinner and there were lots of friends dropping in from Australia for a few nights or longer while they were exploring England.

The following summer we all met up with Chris, Meagan, and young Finn in Porto Santo Stefano, on the West coast of Italy between Florence and Rome. They were exploring Europe on a family holiday. Barbara, Matt, Zoe plus Vanessa, and Scotty flew in from London, but Leslie drove me down via Lyon, crossing into Italy via a long smoggy tunnel then to Genoa and down the coast. Everyone else took the plane but we had a great adventure and saw so much more. A week of holidays staying in a hillside villa walking distance to the old harbour town, the beach was wonderful, the weather sunny and the food, wine, and gelato fantastic. Leslie drove us back via Switzerland, Germany, Luxembourg, Belgium, and France loving it all the way, even the unexpected stop in Milan when the front right tyre blew out.

Soon after our return we said a farewell to Bollards and moved to Teddington. Zoe and I became regulars at the cafes and restaurants, going out for lunch almost every day. We lived within walking distance of the high street and I told myself it was best for Zoe to get out for fresh air daily! What a life, being paid to look after Zoe and thoroughly enjoying myself! Poor Zoe had to eat baby food prepared at home, but she loved the outings and charmed everyone.

Meanwhile Chris, Meagan and Finn had returned to Sydney, settling into the Blue Mountains prior to the birth of their daughter, Nadia in January 2001. The news was not good, Nadia, just born, had become very ill and they needed more family assistance. I spoke to Barbara and Matthew and we agreed that I would go back to help, and they would arrange alternate care for Zoe. Chris met me at the airport and took me up to the mountains.

So, Finn and I got to know each other well, spending the days together whilst his parents were at the hospital with Nadia. We went for walks around the neighbourhood and would sit together on the floor playing with toys and games. Eventually Nadia was able to come home, and I returned to England.

May 2001 Benjamin was born in London. He was a beautiful boy but suffered some eczema and was reluctant to feed. He would often not finish his milk and would simply refuse to eat solid food. I would be patting myself on the back for persuading him to take some when he would vomit it all back up on me. Nasty!

His problems all disappeared once he left England and certainly looking at his height and physique now you wouldn’t guess that he had ever had such troubles!

Barbara, Matt, Zoe, and Benjamin left England the day after Ben’s first birthday. They were off to live in the USA for a few months and I would follow but first a trip with Leslie to Dubai to celebrate my upcoming 60th birthday. Staying at the five-star Jumeirah Beach Hotel, sunny myself by the pool, dinner at the seven-star Burj Al Arab, visiting the gold and spice souks… so many fantastic adventures!

I had a not so fantastic adventure trying to get into the US. I landed in Los Angeles and had difficulty with the America Customs Officials, as I could not tell them where I was going. I did not have Barbara’s address to hand and the phone number proved to be wrong. I told them I had an ongoing flight to Orlando the following day which they eventually checked and found to be true. I was finally allowed out of the airport, around four or five hours after I had landed! I was p’ed off to put it mildly but that was only made worse when the taxi driver tore strips off me because it was only going to be a short fare to the nearby hotel. I gave him a mouthful for his rudeness, and he was so surprised and apologetic. I was not so forgiving, and he got no tip – he was lucky that I paid at all!

From then on, my plans went more smoothly. Barbara picked me up from Orlando Airport as arranged. Barbara was not working during this period, so we were able to spend our time exploring the area. We saw the sights of Orlando, visited Disney World and SeaWorld, picked up an addiction for Starbucks coffee and holidayed in Miami and the Florida Keys with Leslie. I was amazed by the flatness and the long thin strip of road surrounded by water. It would be a nightmare during storms and high tide. I left the driving up to the others while we were in America since they all drove on the wrong side of the road!